There are many myths and facts surrounding this fairly controversial parenting style. On the whole, many pediatricians frown at the idea of using the parent-directed feeding (PDF) approach described in Babywise. However, when I look into the matter I find very little evidence to suggest that it is in anyway harmful. In fact, when I look around at parents that use it, I find just the opposite – well-adjusted, happy babies that have well-rested, happy parents. This post serves as a collection of all my research on the topic and our own personal experience.
Introduction
It is really that bad?
When I first started looking into Babywise, I found a wealth of very negative information. Looking more closely at who was writing all the negativity, I found that it was coming from people that did not really have any personal experience with Babywise. It was more a philosophical hatred for Babywise than it was a failed personal experience. I am continually amazed at how often people criticize things they actually know nothing about. Things with which they have no personal experience. On the other hand when you talk to people who have actually used the Babywise approach, you generally get a very positive story. Since, I am an independent thinker, I decided to look into the situation a little more to see if there was anything to support the negative claims made by the anti-Babywise people. Here is what I found:
Chapter 1: Going against the Grain
Chapter 2: Ripped From the Headlines
Chapter 3: Just How Radical is It?
Chapter 5: The Stanford Marshmallow Study
Does it Work?
Our Experience
You bet it works! Of course I cannot just take someone’s word for it, I had to try it out myself. For me, if I want to be able to speak intelligently about something, I really need to have some personal experience with it. While my experience thus far just involves our first child, I do feel that I can draw a few conclusions and report on our experience. Of course, I am sure you will not want to take just my word for it either. I strongly encourage you to talk with other parents who have used the approach. See what they have to see and pay close attention to their kids. I caution you though to be skeptical of someone who bashes the approach but has not ever actually tried it. Here is what we found the first time around:
Chapter 8: Our Conclusions at 9 months
Trouble Shooting
When the going gets tough…
Despite our best intentions, sometimes babies get mad. Sometimes they just do not follow the rule book. While I believe in the process and outcomes of a PDF approach, the path to success was much harder than I anticipated. Perhaps it was because of our son’s temperament. Perhaps it was because our expectations were too high. Whatever it was, we did run into problems. Some we solved right away. Others took more time. Here are the major problems that we encountered and what we did to solve them:
Chapter 9: It’s Not Always Easy
Chapter 10: Understanding Your Baby’s Demeanor
Chapter 11: The Over-Tired Baby
Chapter 12: The 45-Minute Intruder
Chapter 13: The Return of the 45-Minute Intruder
Chapter 14: Dropping the Last Feed
I tried the Babywise method with my first son but not with my second. It put a lot of unrealistic expectations in my head. Instead of trusting my instincts and learning his natural hunger and/or fatigue cues, I was a slave to the clock. My life revolved around this rigid routine and neither mother nor baby were happy. He was in the lower percentiles for growth (15th at 6 months just before he started cereal) and didn’t sleep through the night until he was 8 months old. The second time around I fed by baby when he was hungry. Let him sleep when he was tired. I let my baby tell me when he needed something and I provided it to him (within reason.) Despite spending his first week in the NICU, he came home 100% breastfed, has been in the 90th or greater percentiles for growth his entire life an slept through the night consistently at 2 months. Don’t drive yourself crazy with this book! Mother Nature gave you everything you need to be successful!!
Thanks for your comments. I would agree that Babywise does promote some unrealistic expectations when it comes to sleep. The Ferber book is a must read to understand what is normal when it comes to newborn and infant sleep.
However, being a slave to the clock is specifically condemned in the Babywise approach. I would argue that the Babywise approach to hunger cues and the approach that you took with your second child are one in the same. Babywise promotes learning your baby’s hunger cues and feeding when they are hungry (within reason).
I feel that the concept of routine and well-thought out parent directed structure are critical to a functional household. However, in the end it does not matter if you like Babywise or hate Babywise. The important thing is to find what works for you and your baby. I am glad to hear that you have made it to that place.
I have used the PDF approach for both of my children. My 1st child responded very very well to it. He was sleeping through the night by 6 weeks old and was the happiest baby I have ever seen. He definitely thrived on a schedule. My second baby has been slightly more challenging, but I would definitely say that the PDF approach has helped. She started sleeping through the night at 7 weeks and is happy most of the time. However, I find it difficult to keep her on a predictable schedule now that I have a toddler to worry about as well. Between swimming lessons, play groups, dr appts, etc her schedule has definitely suffered and I can tell a huge difference in her mood and behavior because of it. I am still a big fan of babywise and recommend it to all first time parents, however, I think putting it into practice with subsequent children is much more difficult to do.
Agreed. We found it very difficult as well with baby#2. In fact I think it was between 6-8 months that we decided that we had to go back to the basics to help baby#2 and make our family functional again. We stopped many of the ancillary activities for about 6 weeks to allow baby #2 the opportunity to establish a predictable sleep schedule.