On Becoming Babywise: The 8-week mark
September 1, 2008 by DrReynolds
We are almost eight weeks into the PDF approach and I feel like we have learned a great deal. Actually I would say this is one of the steepest learning curves I have been on, maybe since medical school. Over the last eight weeks there have been ups and downs, successes and failures. We have found, though, that drawing on the experience of others throughout this process was essential to our successes and helped so much with our failures.
Starting off with the good.
Nighttime.
This has been by far the most successful part of using the PDF approach. Our son has always slept well at night, waking only for feeds. Around 5-6 weeks he started going a 4.5 to 5 hour stretch at night between feeds. Now, at almost 8 weeks he routinely goes 5-6 hours and on one occasion this week he went 8 hours. Most importantly, though, after he eats he immediately goes right back to sleep without any problems. At this point, he normally goes down around 9-10 p.m., wakes once in the night, and then is ready for daytime around 6 or 6:30 a.m.
Skip the Bad and onto the Ugly.
Daytime
For us, nighttime is easy, and goes pretty much just like the book says. Daytime, on the other hand, has been a real struggle for us at times. If there is any deficiency I can find with Babywise so far, it is regarding the daytime schedule. Parent-Directed Feeding is a great system and one that I fully support. However, in Babywise the book makes it sound so easy and something that you should easily be able to settle your child into. Now this may be the case for some children, but I doubt this is the case for most children. The one criticism that I hear over and over is that Babywise does not take into consideration the variation from child to child. The structure of PDF is good, but each child reacts to it differently. Some may settle down into a 3 hour routine without any problem but some may not. Of course, Babywise must be a readable text and is not meant to cover every permutation of the PDF approach. However, I find the text lacking in the troubleshooting department. Fortunately there are ways around this, and the answers are simple:
- You really must draw on the experience of someone you know who has been through the process with one or more children. We have many friends who have successfully used this program and they have been an enormous help to us. All first-time parents will have doubts about what they are doing. It is not easy to listen to your baby cry. In fact, if you are concerned when your baby cries then this just classifies you as a good parent. However, sometimes you have to be strong for your child. You have to help them and this does not always mean coddling them at every whimper. If you hope to have success with the PDF approach then I strongly urge your to speak regularly with a close friend who has experience with Babywise.
- Sometimes the experience of just one or two friends is just not enough. The good news is that there is a Babywise Blog. It is called Chronicles of a Babywise Mom. On this site you will find answers to just about every question you might have regarding PDF. More though, you will see that you are not alone. The problems that you are having are some of the same problems other families are having. You will find solutions and support on this website. I consider it a critical component to using the PDF approach.
A Component to Success
Intentionality
My wife and I joke that Babywise is not for “Sissies.” This is a joke but it does have some truth. Using a PDF approach requires you as parents to learn about your baby. You have to learn what they like and what they don’t. You have to learn what they need and what they don’t. You have to try and figure all these things out based on reading the cries, coos, expressions, and body movements of someone who probably does not even know themselves most of the time. This is a daunting task and requires a great deal of intention. Intentional discussion between you and your spouse – pretty much daily. Intentional time with your baby learning and trying to understand every little cry, coo, and whimper. Intentional dedication to the approach and working through the difficult times with your sights set on the greater goal.
I am a pediatrician and my wife stays at home. Despite this, we have had struggles. I can see why some people have a great deal of trouble with the PDF approach, especially if both parents work, this is a first baby, and/or their support network is weak. However, overall this is proving to be just what Babywise promises. My wife, my son, and I almost always get a full night of rest. Most days are very predictable. We are able to plan the life of the family – this means the feed-wake-sleep cycle, but also errands, time with each other, and personal time.
I am reminded that most good things in life are not easy. The PDF approach is no doubt one of them.
HANG IN THERE!! I hope the site link you posted is helping you guys as well! Remember you are training your child and the first 9 weeks are for just that, training! As they get older, it does get easier, the family doesn’t revolve around them, but they are part of the family! God, the marriage, and then kids. I have 3 and used PDF for all of them. My son was our first and the most difficult! he couldn’t go more than 2 hours sometimes during feedings, but by the time he was 5 months old, we were on a great schedule and it tool a lot of work to get there!! I couldn’t stand to hear him cry, and my husband was great support, always saying, Is he fed, check, is he clean, check, is he safe, check, then it is okay for him to cry for a while! I would have to go outside or turn the monitors off so I couldn’t hear him! My daughters on the other hand were PDF babies to a T! My oldest daughter would cry her self to sleep in 15 minutes every time! We would get ready to go in and she would be done crying and asleep, my 8 month old doesn’t even cry! Nap time starts when mom and dad say and ends when mom and dad decide! We started that right away and now it is a piece of cake. They were all sleeping through the night by about 6-7 weeks old consistently!
I have been loving your articles, it is great to see a doctors perspective on it! If I haven’t said so in the past, we know Todd and Melissa, I went to high school with Todd and we play soccer with them every week, I found your blog through theirs.
I’m still hoping to hear what you have to say about the Sears’ books but I completely understand life with a 2mo old!
As I read what you have posted about how your son behaves, as far as sleeping goes, I can’t help but think, “My son was doing that then too.” But my son never had to cry anything out. We were getting great sleep at 2mo as well, pretty much up until the 3mo growth spurt we were getting 6-7 hrs at night. As far scheduling our day went, he simply came along, at least up until 3.5mo when he needed to be put to sleep in his own crib to get a “good” nap. My son still goes on an average 3hr cycle at 6mo and he was never “trained” to do so, but still today sometimes he wants to nurse before a nap, or nurse because his gums are hurting, or nurse because he was distracted at an earlier feeding… I’ve never denied him these and in our experience, we’ve never needed to get support from others using our “method” online. Reading a baby’s signs is just part of parenting, nothing exclusive to Babywise-ing, and when you start to get to know the signs everything falls into place, no crying it out necessary. I love this article by the Sears’, please tell me what you think… http://www.askdrsears.com/html/5/T051200.asp#T051205 You’ll probably read it all, but I hope you’ll especially read the link: Letting baby cry-it-out yes, no! Thanks.
Hi…I used Babywise for my first born….BEST THING I EVER DID!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Do you know how many times I’ve been told…..”Gee, your baby girl is sooooo happy. She is always smiling. I’ve never heard her cry. Gee you’re lucky!!!”
Lucky???? I don’t think so!!!! Worked my butt off to get her onto a schedule and routine from week 2 onwards….nailing the feed, wake, sleep routine…moving the feed schedule to suit her age…and she was a spewy baby to boot….born on the 10th percentile, and kept on putting on weight, so all those people who think that babies lose weight using this method, obviously aren’t doing something right, because if you breastfeed for a decent amount of time…I used a wet flannel to keep my newborn bub awake…it was HARD WORK…that’s what having kids is all about….HARD WORK!!!!!
Now, not to mention that blasted 45 minute intruder…that was mighty hard work!!!! But, none the less, now at 2 years of age…2-3 hour sleep through the day, without any tears or tantrums and 10-12 hours each night, without any tears either.
Babywise works. You have to be consistent and strong and use your initiative…and common sense. BEST THING I EVER DID..can’t support it enough.
However, the sacrifice is, you will need to stay home a bit to make it work. Can’t be stomping the shopping centres!! I now have a 2nd baby, doing the same thing…8 weeks old…3-4hour feeds during the day, sleeping 2 – 21/2 hours each cycle, however, done lots of helping him get back to sleep when that blasted 45 min intruder showed itself…8 hours sleep a night. What more can a mum ask for??? But, spent the past 2 months at home and concentrated on my baby’s routine and schedule…both bubs sleep in the arvo, so have time for me, and all is quiet by 7.30pm, that gives me quality time with my husband.
I want to really enjoy my children, and I think this method allows for that. Had to put up with a lot of crying, but babies do that.
By the way…no dummy either!!!
The books following “Babywise” work too. “Toddlerwise” etc. It’s all common sense, however, I’m finding that there’s not too much of that out there any more??!!
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I feel deep sadness when I read about these poor parents following this unwise method. I have 4 beautiful children and have never had the pressure to maintain a regimen like this. When they were hungry they told me with their cries or coos.. rooting or sucking and soon I learned to anticipate their needs and most of the time they did not cry anymore they knew mama was there. Yes I sacrificed some nights for them as they adjusted to their new world and new sleep patterns but I did not have to force them into it. I did not have to work really hard to make it happen the sun and the moon did it for me.
Each child has been different the first was like clockwork on a perfect “Babywise” schedule herself but the second was a ravenous bear who ate so much he grew in the 90th percentile but was never sick. If I had tried to control his very body growth he would have suffered and so would his health. The third was my hard one but now as a 3 year old she and I have such a deep trusting bond those nights I spend with her as she struggled to adjust make her so special to me.. I can read her little mind and she is truly my little helper. My fourth slept through the night (for 8 hours) from 2 weeks (scared the heck out of me) but ate a lot more during the day) Was I focused on trying to follow some uniformed man’s rules for my baby? NO I was focused on learning their hearts.
The rules in this book for sleep, feedings and wake time are portrayed as critical to follow in order to achieve a healthy outcome, while health and behavior problems for the baby, and sleepless nights for the parents, are predicted if the program is not followed. This book promises you the moon if you just be the prefect parent you can create perfect baby/child. Wake up folks Gary’s kids are estranged from him (the 2 daughters that he has raised).
One Size Doesn’t Fit All. All babies and mothers are treated alike without any respect given for individual differences in breast milk storage capacity, rate of milk synthesis, rate of infant metabolism or stomach capacity. In actuality, the number of feedings one mother’s body requires in order to supply her baby with plenty of milk each day will be quite different from other mothers around her. Similarly, breastfed babies need varying amounts milk in varying numbers and sizes of feedings, and they do not feed exactly the same way from one feeding to the next in any case the author Mr. Ezzo seemingly expects all babies to respond in an identical manner. This is no more realistic than expecting adults to consume the same amounts of food on the same schedule and grow (or lose weight!) at the same rate.
The primary authors of the material, Gary and Anne Marie Ezzo, are self-proclaimed experts. Gary Ezzo has no background or expertise in child development, psychology, breastfeeding, or pediatric medicine, and holds neither an associate’s nor a bachelor’s degree from any college. His master of arts degree in Christian ministry was granted through a program that awarded credit for life experience in lieu of an undergraduate degree.
Anne Marie Ezzo worked only briefly as an R.N. decades ago. Babywise and Preparation for Parenting (also known as Let the Children Come: Along the Infant Way) have been criticized by hundreds of professionals in pediatric medicine, human lactation, psychology, anthropology, child development, and theology. Problems have been associated with these programs — cases of slow weight gain, failure to thrive, depressed babies, even hospitalization. Its feeding recommendations were the subject of a warning sent out by the AAP.
Do more study folks! Get your information from better sources. There are much better and more “wise” ways out there. Don’t sacrifice all the good or bad times to be perfect. There is no such thing. Thank God
Interesting comment. I must have read a different version of Babywise. I did not read the part where it suggested that you should ignore “cries and coos… rooting and sucking.” When I read the book, it seems to me that it supports interpreting these cues and modifying your approach throughout the day.
Of course, taken to the extreme, Babywise is un-wise but the same case could be made for the extreme version of attachment parenting.
In your effort to encourage diversity among raising children you seem to have a low tolerance for diversity of parenting styles. Like it or not… The Babywise method has been a resounding success for 1000s of parents. While, I am sure too that it has also been a failure for some, this does not mean that there is nothing to be gained from a parent-directed feeding and family-centered approach to raising children.